Bronzed and Shimmered

Now I’m in a real quandary of tsunami proportions. What to do? I’m talking about bronzer and shimmer. I never thought it would come to this.

Suddenly, I learned today, that ‘frosted’ is out and ‘shimmer’ is in, and I dare not be caught wearing the wrong one of these. Quite obviously that would be the first thing everyone would notice, especially if I were in the wrong. I heard it on the Today Show, so it has to be true–or does it?

The subject is make-up, and make-up has seasons–did you know that? I’ve heard this all my life, but I have to be honest, my make-up doesn’t know if it’s Christmas or the 4th of July. In case yours can tell the difference, you need to know about the frosted vs. shimmer controversy because it’s a hot issue this fall–apparently.

According to what was said, we should be shimmering up our eyelids and our cheeks, but our lips should be matte. Frosted anything should be pitched–so we can buy it again next season when it will, no doubt, be in. Who makes up these rules, anyway? My lips can’t stand matte–they look awful and and feel worse matted, so why would I pay any attention to the fall make-up marshals? I guess the make-up makers are counting on a lot of people not being like me.

I have a friend who, for as long as the long time I’ve known her, will periodically get a make-up consultation to bring her make-up inline with the current trends. She says it makes her feel better about herself, so who can argue with that? What seems odd to me, though, is that I can never remember that she has ever looked any different from the way she always has. Could that be the point–that we have to keep changing our make-up to keep our faces looking the same? Or is this all an illusion–optical and otherwise–by the marketers designed just to get us to buy more? I’ll bet on that.

Oh–here’s another tip from this morning’s proclamations. We all, and I’m speaking of women, here, but maybe this would work for men too, need bronzers–year round. I’ve never had a bronzer. How have I made it this far without? I wonder if getting and using one now would change my life? Now there’s an idea.

I’m always looking for ways to change my life. Most of them have little to do with what’s feasible or probable. Usually I think of moving somewhere else, and although I’ve actually done that in the past, now I always stumble over the ‘where exactly’ part. Sometimes I think of what I would–will–do when I win the lottery…but that gets into the probability problem, so I ration the time I spend on that one.

So if I decide to get bronzed and shimmered, what could I then expect in terms of a life change? Would crowds cheer when I went to the grocery store, run for their cameras, or maybe rush to line up for my autograph? Somehow I doubt it. And would I look at that as a change for the better if it did happen? Hardly.

Maybe the changes would be subtler so that only people I was close enough to to converse with would notice–and then what would happen? Would they be so mesmerized by my polished, bronzed, and shimmered looks that they would agree to my every suggestion or whim? Would men drop to their knees at the sight of me? I can’t imagine that.

I think it’s more likely that my life would change in that I would feel like a painted clown each time I went out of the house–or maybe as if I were practicing for Halloween or Mardi Gras. And then I would feel so self-conscious that I would turn around, go back in, and never go anywhere. Hardly sounds like a change for the better.

Well, who knows? Maybe I should just get brave and try it–just to see what would really happen. Life has unexpected ways of changing on its own. Maybe this would be the trigger for my next change. Changing my make-up would be so much easier and less time consuming than moving, and would be infinitely more certain than winning the lottery. But I’ll only do the bronze–and maybe the shimmer–forget the matte.

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